Green Inferno (1988)

"Carry On Up the Amazon...A Bit"

It's time for more comedy gold (or at least a bit of it) as 88 Films brings GREEN INFERNO to UK Blu-ray. First off let's be clear - this isn't the rubbish Eli Roth film from 2015. Oh no, this GREEN INFERNO is an entirely different rubbish film altogether, made in 1988 and directed by one Antonio Climati, probably best known for working on movies like Jacopetti & Prosperi's MONDO CANE (1962) and 1966's AFRICA: BLOOD & GUTS. Despite his association with outrageous and controversial mondo cinema, what we've got here is an entirely sillier bag of nonsense.

The appropriate response to being offered the chance to watch GREEN INFERNO

Three men steal the biggest yellowest aeroplane they can find and drive it down a motorway, presumably leaving the absurd monster truck they drove to the site of the robbery at the scene of the crime. Despite this not a single policeman seems to spot this infraction of justice.

Off to the Amazon they go. As they look for a place to land one character exclaims "There's not a boat in the bay!" as one passes extremely obviously across the screen.

Watch too many of these things & this is the result

They're there to meet up with intrepid reporter Jemma, who has just been traumatised by a scene of utter daftness. "I don't think I'll ever forget this," she says as she surveys a head shrinkers laboratory complete with actors' heads stuck through a table and a giant poster of Paul Newman's face on the wall, and neither will we.

Paul Newman is just out of shot

Our useless explorers are on the trail of a missing professor (identified by the characteristic sound of his cigarette lighter on a tape, no less). They need a jungle guide. They find him in the Beer & Toad Racing bar. Once all the toads have been weighed (or possibly just raised and lowered a lot in outstretched palms for some reason that is never made clear) there is a toad race. It is quite possibly the highlight of the film.

Toad weighing! (Probably)

The next five minutes feature monkey resuscitation, a trumpet solo on the river, and a fish stuck up a man's bottom that has to be removed by one of our 'heroes' (I am not making this up). Then it's time for our first tribe of natives. We're told they 'don't like to wear clothes' but for some reason they do like to wear garish pink and yellow wigs. We never find out what this tribe is called, which is a shame. 

A trumpet solo is imminent!

It's night and there's an attack by bats on strings, after which everyone goes monkey hunting. Then it's time for some ants on chest and spider on belly 'torture' before the whole film slows right down and turns into a series of episodic, mildly interesting adventures for our explorers. In fact it's safe to say any appeal GREEN INFERNO may have to the trash connoisseur is in its opening half, although we do get Mozart in the jungle, more trumpet playing and trousers being taken down at gunpoint.

Toad Racing!

Extras include Italian opening and closing titles and a half hour featurette on the history of cannibal movies. To get maximum value from this disc the drinking game you can play with this one is to watch it with the English dialogue track but turn on the subtitles. Every time there's a wild deviation between the two take a swig and you won't be worrying too much about the end of the film anyway.

GREEN INFERNO is out from 88 Films on Blu-ray on Monday 11th March 2019

Cannibal Terror (1980)

"Cannibal Terrible"

Which, of course, should be read as a recommendation. If there were award ceremonies for trashiest, daftest Eurorubbish of all time, then French company Eurocine, responsible for CANNIBAL TERROR and so many other acts of celluloid atrocity, would no doubt have picked up several lifetime achievement gongs by now.

Cultural Appropriation?

And CANNIBAL TERROR (Onscreen title card TERREUR CANNIBALE for those who need to know) really is awful. Described by someone as THE ROOM of the cannibal subgenre, it has to be said they're not far wrong. Like Tommy Wiseau's thoroughly entertaining magnum opus horrificus, CANNIBAL TERROR is filled with awful acting, scenes that make no sense, and a flagrant disregard for any attempt at realism. Oh, and parrots. Play the drinking game with parrots & you'll be on the floor by halfway through.

Guitar solo with gratuitous parrot placement

The 'plot' involves three ne'er-do-wells kidnapping the young daughter of a wealthy garage owner. They plan to ransom her, but something goes hilariously wrong as their contact displays a remarkable inability to cross an almost empty city street, and they end up having to hide out in the jungles of what looks like (and in fact is) Alicante. 

A severed head! That blinks!

The Alicante jungle has cannibals! And they're brilliant, less resembling natives who have spent their entire lives communing with nature and more some bizarre unseen footage of Mungo Jerry at Woodstock, sporting massive sideburns or absurd wigs.

Woodstock or Alicante Cannibal? You decide.

The jungle also has people who stare off into space before speaking, almost as if they're trying to remember their dialogue, a poor girl (Jess Franco alumnus Pamela Stanford) who has to take the most awkward-looking bath in a barrel I have ever seen,  and a hippy with a gun who just happens to be wandering around (more Woodstock footage?).

What IS that? 

But that's not all! Oh no, as well as the absurdly prolonged scenes of entrail fondling, that awful three-note title music, and the worst folded paper model of a cat (I think) in motion picture history, the piéce-de-crapness par excellence is saved for the end when, at the cannibal's village, we can quite plainly see through the trees the Alicante ring road filled with traffic. Twice. 

The slings and arrows of an outrageously rubbish film

Extras include a deleted scene (I had to watch it and yes it's more added daftness) and a trailer. An excellent dessert to follow the main course of tripe you've just seen is the 47 minute documentary That's Not The Amazon! which charts the rough and ready history of the Eurocine cannibal movie (yes there's more than one) featuring interviews with actor Antonio Wayans and genre luminaries Calum Waddell, Allan Bryce and John Martin, who seems to be going all out to win the Best Shirt in a DVD Extra Award for this year (and indeed every year). 

Eurocine masterpiece or a scene from The Two Ronnies? 

CANNIBAL TERROR is unmissable in its awfulness, a true feast for enthusiasts of bad film. 88 Films are bringing it out on UK Blu-ray. You have been warned. 

Eurocine's CANNIBAL TERROR is out on UK Blu-ray on Monday 11th March 2019

Phantom Lady (1944)

"Stylish Siodmak / Woolrich Universal Thriller"

Oh yes, the opening titles may suggest that the screenplay is from a novel by 'William Irish' but that's just a pseudonym for crime writer extraordinaire Cornell Woolrich. Director Robert Siodmak's adaptation of Woolrich's novel, and his first noir for Universal, is getting a Blu-ray release from Arrow Academy, and very welcome it is, too.

Unhappy Scott Henderson (Alan Curtis) is out on the town on his own. He meets a woman (Fay Helm) in a bar. She refuses to tell him her name but agrees to go to a show with him. After she bids him goodnight Scott returns to his apartment, only to be greeted by police who have discovered the body of his strangled wife.

But Scott's got an alibi, hasn't he? Unfortunately, when he takes the cops back to every location he visited in the company of his mystery female companion, a barman, a taxi driver, and even the drummer in the band for the show (Elisha Cook Jr) deny he was ever with anyone. 

The ensuing court case finds Scott guilty of murder. It's up to his secretary Carol (Ella Raines) with the help of Inspector Burgess (Thomas Gomez) to find out the truth before Scott ends up as a dead man walking.

After famously being fired from Paramount for saying the movie he was making was 'Paramount shit', Robert Siodmak made SON OF DRACULA (1943) for Universal, and then followed that up with the exploitation-orientated COBRA WOMAN (1944). After doing such a great job on both he was offered PHANTOM LADY and that was the start of a run of remarkable, stylish thrillers that include THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE, THE KILLERS & THE DARK MIRROR (all 1946) and CRY OF THE CITY (1948). 

As well as the oft-quoted line about Paramount, Siodmak is also well known for claiming that only five minutes of any one of his movies was actually any good. Certainly there are sequences in PHANTOM LADY that stand out from what would have been considered accepted conventional narrative techniques at the time - the pursuit of the barman by Carol through deserted streets, the weird art that adorns the apartment of a key character, and the lighting of the scenes of Scott in prison. All these show a director on the cusp of a brilliant career and that, coupled with Woolrich's engrossing story, make PHANTOM LADY unmissable for fans of period 1940s film noir.

Arrow Academy's print of PHANTOM LADY is a little more beaten up and scratched in places that some of their recent excellent transfers of 1940s releases, but it's still perfectly watchable. Extras include a fifty minute archival documentary on film noir, and an hour-long radio adaptation of the Woolrich novel from 1944.

Robert Siodmak's PHANTOM LADY is out on Blu-ray from Arrow Academy on Monday 4th March 2019

Videoman (2018)

"Endearing Tale for the VHS Generation"

After premiering at last year's festival, Kristian A Södertröm's VIDEOMAN gets a VOD and DVD release on the FrightFest Presents label from Signature Entertainment.

Stefan Sauk is Ennio, a man obsessed with two things: drinking, and collecting VHS tapes. When he comes across a cardboard box containing the ultra-rare 'Zombie' (from the cover it looks like Lucio Fulci's CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD) it may be the answer to his money problems. Unfortunately, after he makes a deal with a shady voice on the telephone, one that may belong to someone who has been killing tape collectors, giallo-style, the tape goes missing...

A hit at FrightFest, VIDEOMAN is going to appeal most to those who grew up with, and were consumed by, the VHS boom of the 1980s. Director Söderström is presumably a VHS obsessive himself, or if he isn't he's quite brilliant at depicting the mindset of VHS collectors, and he also knows his movies, so part of the fun is seeing if you can catch him out.

The press notes describe VIDEOMAN as 'Mike Leigh meets Dario Argento'. There's certainly more of Leigh in the grim Swedish tower block settings and bleak wintry weather, and don't go expecting any bold flashes of colour or over the top artistic set pieces. Do expect, however, for the warmth of the director's love for his characters to shine through. 

Low budget and certainly promising of greater things for its director, VIDEOMAN is the perfect film for those who fancy a bit of subtitled Swedish social realism set in the world of movie obsessives. Signature's VOD copy was provided for review & as far as I'm aware the DVD contains no extras. 

Kristian A Södertröm's VIDEOMAN is out on VOD and DVD on Signature Entertainment's FrightFest Presents label now. 

Dhogs (2017)

"Brutal Art House Satire of Human Behaviour"

Receiving its UK premiere at FrightFest, Andres Goteira's visceral, brutal art house take on the nature of human behaviour is now getting a DVD release courtesy of Yume pictures.

The title is a corruption of two terms which are defined as the film begins: Dogs (submissive & obedient animals) and Hogs (dirty & wicked animals). We're only going to meet one dog and no hogs at all in the ensuing 85 minutes, because what director Goteira is really setting out to do here is comment about some of the more sordid aspects of human beings.

He does this within the context of three chapters detailing several storylines that intersect and cross over each other. A taxi driver takes a man to a hotel where he gets talking to a woman and they end up going up to his room. After, the woman is kidnapped by a guy with a pickup truck who drives her out into the bleak Spanish landscape. There we meet another man (and his dog) who lives in a tumbledown shack, his prized possession an expensive-looking rifle with telescopic sights.

But there's more going on here. Who is the mysterious audience we see observing these onscreen proceedings throughout the film? Are the actions we're seeing perhaps influenced by us watching them? Has director Andres Goteira  perhaps been somewhat influenced by a certain film by Michael Haneke? 

DHOGS has elements of David Lynch as well, so don't expect the film to end with everything explained. In fact that's one of the movie's strengths. If you like your art house movies bleak and contemptuous of humanity, with violence to match, then DHOGS might be just what you're looking for. 

Yume's DVD has no extras, but you do get the option of Dolby 5.1 and 2.0 sound mixes. 

Andres Goteira's DHOGS is out on DVD & Blu-ray from Yume Pictures on Monday 25th February 2019

Halloween (2018)

"Better than nearly all the others"

The exception being John Carpenter's 1978 original (of course). David Gordon Green's sequel (and the third film now to boast that title) gets a disc release from Universal.

Oh yes, it's time to forget all about the antics of HALLOWEEN II (1981) and HALLOWEENs IV, V, VI, H20 and VIII and ignore those Rob Zombie remakes (which most people have already been doing for years anyway). HALLOWEEN 2018 is a direct follow-on from the events that finished with Dr Sam Loomis looking both pensive and fed up that Michael Myers had somehow eluded him despite falling off a balcony after taking enough damage to floor The Rock.

It turns out they did catch Mr Myers, though, and now, forty years later, he's still banged up in the best asylum for the criminally insane this side of a 1970s Italian giallo. And in true daft giallo style two reporters turn up, get permission to speak to him and wave his old mask in his face (an endorsement of the long lasting quality of the Don Post Studios product if nothing else). 

Michael is being transferred and the powers that be have deemed that the safest and most sensible date to stick him on a bus with a bunch of other patients is Halloween. The bus crashes and Michael is free. By the delicious coincidences of this kind of film he finds the very car with the very boot that has his very old mask in it, bumps a few people off after acquiring a nifty new boiler suit and then it's hi-ho for his old stomping ground!

Meanwhile, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), instead of being chased through a hospital, getting a job as a teacher at a private school and other things that were in the sequels that no longer exist in this timeline, has instead been turning herself into a poster girl for Guns 'n' Even Bigger Guns magazine in preparation for Michael's inevitable return. Will the two meet in a climactic face-off? 

HALLOWEEN 2018 isn't at all bad, and HALLOWEEN fans know bad if they've stuck with all those sequels. It's not up to Carpenter's original but then what is? Rather than emulate the prowling sense of threat of the 1978 film, director Green's approach swings from the melodramatic (that great opening) through the suspenseful (the sequence in the toilets, for example) while imbuing the picture with a sense of gloom and melancholy that's entirely appropriate. HALLOWEEN 2018 was never going to be HALLOWEEN 1978 and that's exactly the way it should be.

Universal's disc comes with 30 minutes of featurettes, including a piece on the composition of the film's score with John Carpenter, his son Cody and Daniel Davies. There's also a short making of, a piece on Jamie Lee Curtis, the Journey of the Mask & the Legacy of Halloween. Finally you get eight deleted or extended scenes. 

Universal Pictures Home Entertainment are releasing David Gordon Green's HALLOWEEN on digital on Monday 11th February 2019 DVD, Blu-ray and 4K Ultra HD on Monday 25th February 2019

Class of 1999 (1990)

"Total Terminator Teacher Terror"

If Adam Ant, Steve Strange and Howard Jones had decided to get together and envision an apocalyptic 'school of the future' movie then Mark L Lester's CLASS OF 1999 might well have been the kind of thing they came up with. It's getting a UK Blu-ray release courtesy of Lionsgate as part of their Vestron Collector's Series so anyone with a fondness for / complete obsession with New Romantic 1980s culture taken to its extreme can see if they agree.

It's 1999 (we are told) and many of America's inner city schools now exist at the centre of combat zones where the police never enter and bullets fly almost as freely as eyeliner is applied and skin tight spandex trousers are squeezed into. Rather than relocate places of education, the government hits on the idea of employing albino OMEGA MAN reject Dr Forrest (Stacy Keach) and his three battledroids (John P Ryan, Pam Grier and Patrick Kilpatrick) to keep order in the worst of the schools in question. It's in Seattle and when you see how bad the weather is throughout the film it does make you sympathetic for the kids.

'Gosh I hope nothing goes wrong with those androids' you're sure to think as our new mechatronic teachers take up their posts. Sure enough it's not long before ex-con teen Cody (Bradley Gregg from A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3) is having to lead his gang of electro boys and girls against an onslaught of TERMINATOR-style robotic destruction. On a low budget.

Slight in plot but plentiful in explosive exploitation fun, CLASS OF 1999 is a briskly-paced nostalgic blast from the director of CLASS OF 1984, FIRESTARTER and...er...ROLLER BOOGIE. There's an interesting cast - as well as all the above we have Malcolm McDowell as the school's principal, and numerous well-handled stunts.  The robot effects are pleasingly of their time and Michael Hoenig gives us a suitably electro-pounding score.

Lionsgate's Vestron Collector's Series Blu-ray is packed with extra goodies. There's an audio commentary from the director, and interviews with screenwriter C Courtney Joyner, Lester, co-producer Eugene Mazzola, DP Mark Irwin, and special effects creators Eric Allard and Rick Stratton. You also get a trailer, stills, TV spots, and a video promo. Perfect viewing for a trashy Friday night in. 

Mark L Lester's CLASS OF 1999 is out from Lionsgate on 

Blu-ray from 25th February 2019, 20 years after the New Romantic Electro Future it predicted has yet to come true. I still think this is more likely than BLADE RUNNER, though.