The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover (1989)

Back in the 1980s, while Canada had David Cronenberg and the US had David Lynch, here in the UK we had Welsh-born Peter Greenaway to give us some home-grown art-house horror. Movies like A ZED & TWO NOUGHTS and DROWNING BY NUMBERS revealed a singular view of the world that was simultaneously as beautiful in its design and as it was disturbing in its implication. And Greenaway’s unique vision is at its most deliciously decadent and outrageously horrific in THE COOK, THE THIEF, HIS WIFE & HER LOVER, soon to be re-released on DVD by Fabulous Films.

Gang boss Albert Spica (Michael Gambon) likes nothing more than dining at his favourite restaurant, which he also happens to own. Other favourite past-times include beating up his wife Georgina (Helen Mirren), beating up guests and, with the aid of subordinates that include Tim Roth and Ciaran Hinds, generally beating up anyone who crosses him. 

When Georgina begins an affair with restaurant customer Michael (Alan Howard), meeting him in between courses or during trips to the lavatory, it is only a matter of time before Albert finds out and wreaks bloody revenge. But Georgina, head chef Richard (Richard Bohringer) and the others whom Albert has abused have a final trick up their sleeves that leads to one of the all-time classic scenes in the art-house horror subgenre.

Put together with all the care and attention of the Renaissance paintings it seems to be doing its best to emulate, THE COOK THE THIEF exhibits thoughtful production and costume design (the latter courtesy of Jean-Paul Gaultier and some fabulously flamboyant creations), photography and lighting that makes some scenes look like Rembrandt by way of Mario Bava, and perhaps most of all, casting. The leads are all excellent, with Gambon’s brutal villain a superb portrayal of boorish cruelty. The smaller roles are a delight also, however. Look out for Ian Dury, Gary Olsen, Roger Lloyd-Pack, Liz Smith, Alex Kingston, Diane Langton and Bob Goody amongst others.

Fabulous Films’ transfer is in the correct 2.35:1 aspect ratio (some previous DVD releases haven’t been). Unfortunately the print hasn’t been restored, so expect some black marks and scratches every now and then. On the whole, though, the transfer looks fine and in the absence of any forthcoming Blu-ray release, pop this into your player and rack up the HD settings on your TV and it’s certainly better than nothing. Which, by the way, is what you get in the form of extras. 

Fabulous Films are releasing Peter Greenaway's THE COOK, THE THIEF, HIS WIFE AND HER LOVER on Region 2 DVD on 

14th March 2016

The Pack (2016)

“The first true contender for worst film of the year”

Oh dear.

Oh dear oh dear.

         Where do I start?

How about with what THE PACK is not. This release from Arrow Films should not be confused with THE PACK (1977) which features Joe Don Baker versus an island full of crazed dogs. That one’s quite good in a sub-SAVAGE BEES kind of way. Neither should it be confused with THE PACK (2010), a Franco-Belgian effort about cannibals. No. In the future, to distinguish it from those other films this THE PACK will most likely be described as ‘that badly written, badly directed piece of crap with completely unsympathetic characters and virtually no dog action despite the lengths the film-makers apparently went to as described in the ‘Making Of’ in the special features'.

Yes, THE PACK is rubbish - a cheap and completely unrewarding waste of time. You might think Australia is the country of PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK and MAD MAX FURY ROAD but it's just as capable of producing appallingly low-rent stuff like this as anywhere else.

If you watch THE PACK you will be able to act this scene better. 

The plot (should anyone still be reading) is as follows: the utterly crap Wilson family are up to their necks in debt and the bank is about to foreclose on their massive farm. Farmer Adam Wilson (Jack Campbell) refuses to leave, putting his huge losses down to all the sheep with their insides torn out that he has found dead in his fields for the past few weeks but appears to have done nothing about. His equally hopeless wife Carla (Anna Lise Phillips) has decided to set up shop as a vet in their isolated region that boasts as her patients one small puppy and a cat she’s keeping in an enormous cage. The rest of the family is made up of a little boy and the usual cliched, whiny “I’m nearly 18” daughter who is there just to get on everyone’s nerves, get into trouble, and have a shower involving no nudity at all. (That last bit for our more 'sophisticated' readers).

For some reason known to nobody, and especially not the writer of this lazy, audience-disdaining stuff, a small pack of not very threatening-looking black dogs with no sense of smell attack their farmhouse, leading to a ‘night of terror’ during which the Wilson family must fight for their lives and sadly win. Then there’s an ending that is so not an ending it’s probably possible to sue it under the Trades Descriptions Act.

THE PACK is truly terrible, an example of cynical modern-day low-budget moviemaking at its worst. The script is perfunctory, assuming audiences for horror will put up with any old shit and certainly the bare less-than-minimum we get here.  We don’t care about the characters because we are given no reason to. The direction consists of the ‘waving the camera around frenziedly during infrequent animal attacks’ school that makes for poor suspense but massive savings on a budget that was probably spent on the wrap party instead. I feel sorry for the actors, who seem competent but will probably never work again after this. Everything about this film is as stupid as the family we’re supposed to be rooting for and the piss-poor pack of “wild dogs” who can’t even smell when their prey is half a foot away.

I really hated THE PACK. Can you tell?

THE PACK is out from Arrow Films on DVD on 

Monday 7th March

Lost After Dark (2015)

“Surprisingly good slasher homage”

Coming hot on the heels of last year’s THE FINAL GIRLS, here’s another film inspired by the classic slasher films of the 1970s and 1980s. However, instead of taking the meta or post-modern route, LOST AFTER DARK gives us a more straightforward, blood-splattered homage to a genre that, like the lumbering maniacs that are often the killers in these films, refuses to lie down and die.

It’s 1984, and a group of teenagers decide to swear off the homecoming dance / prom / whatever other thing unrelated to work that American schools seemed to be holding every other week in these films, and instead travel to a remote cabin in a stolen school bus to enjoy a weekend of those old slasher standbys beer, drugs and pre-marital sex. 

Unfortunately the bus breaks down and they find themselves pursued by a cannibalistic maniac who lives in the crumbling old house they stumble upon in the middle of the night. Various well-known (and probably well-loved) death scenes occur until Sheriff Rick Rosenthal (yes, the director of the original HALLOWEEN II) turns up to explain what we have already guessed.

There’s a lot to like about LOST AFTER DARK. While there’s a slightly home-made feel to the proceedings, many of the actual 1980s slasher films felt even more amateur, so it really does feel as if you’re watching an undiscovered item from that decade. The cast are likeable and give good performances, with everyone carefully avoiding any hint of being irritatingly ironic. The direction also ensures that the kills are actually quite horrible, the music suits the period without being slavishly imitative and there is a wealth of in-jokes.

These include calling all the male victims after directors of slasher films (Tobe, John, Sean, Wes) and the female victims after final girls (Jamie, Adrienne, Heather, Marilyn). There are also numerous implied references to everything from LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT to A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. Where LOST AFTER DARK succeeds where other films like this sometimes fail, however, is that you don’t need to be familiar with any of these films to enjoy the picture on its own merits. None of the in-jokes are presented with any kind of nudging, knowing ‘aren’t we clever’ attitude. If you know the movies you’ll get the joke. If you don’t, you won’t feel you’re missing out.

          Metrodome’s DVD gives you the film with a menu page that has some nice 1980s-style movie poster artwork. There are no extras at all, which is a bit of shame. LOST AFTER DARK really is pretty good. I liked it more than THE FINAL GIRLS and if you prefer your slasher homages a bit more down and dirty you will too. 

LOST AFTER DARK is out on DVD now from 
Metrodome Pictures

American Horror Project (1973-1976)

Here at the House of Mortal Cinema we have a special place reserved for Backwoods USA movies, the kind of films put together by independent American moviemakers often working outside the Hollywood system (and sometimes, it must be said, outside any kind of system at all). Sometimes the directors in question only ever made one film before going back to their day jobs (or before being captured and returned to their longterm care facilities for all we know). Often quirky, frequently interesting (if only for their sheer bizarreness), and always low-budget, there still remains a wealth of weird and obscure films out there that deserve to be brought to the attention of a (slightly) wider audience than those who already know about them.

Bravo to the team at Arrow Films, then, for attempting to do just that with their planned AMERICAN HORROR PROJECT series, the first volume of which has just been released. This time around we get three films and without any further ado here’s what you can expect to find inside their gorgeously presented three-disc set:

The Witch Who Came From the Sea (1976)

Matt Cimber’s character study anticipates William Lustig’s 1980 MANIAC in its tale of a psychotic character abused by a parent who is subsequently driven to murdering members of the opposite sex in graphic fashion. The difference here is that the individual concerned is a woman. Millie Perkins does a great job as Molly, who lives in the dreariest depiction of Malibu ever filmed. She spends her days looking after her nephews Tad and Tripoli (me neither), her evenings working in a bar and her nights slashing off the genitals of football and television stars. Or does she? 
          Her increasingly fragmenting sanity is called into question from pretty much the first frame, and it’s difficult to know how much of what we see is only going on inside her head. Don’t expect a forerunner of HALLOWEEN, or any other slasher, though - Cimber’s film is a languid character study that’s not altogether successful, with some ropey dialogue and several scenes that go on a bit too long. It’s an interesting watch but don’t expect anything too special from this item whose sole claim to fame is probably going to be that it made it onto the UK’s Video Nasties list.

Extras include an introduction by Stephen Thrower (author of the ultimate Backwoods USA movie book Nightmare USA) a commentary by the cast and crew, and making of featurettes with director Cimber, star Perkins and DP Dean Cundey amongst others. The print looks a bit scratchy in places but is 2.35:1 and looks pretty good overall for such an obscure item. 

Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood (1973)

More ramshackle, more amateur, more insane and consequently rather more interesting is this weird offering from one-off feature director Christopher Speeth. The Norris family get a job working at the tattiest, most depressing amusement park ever committed to film and fall victim to the monsters that seem to make up the rest of the staff. That’s pretty much it for plot as most of the 74 minute running time is taken up with the stuff of low-budget nightmare.    
          You’re best off forgetting any standard rules of narrative (as one presumes the film-makers did) and just lose yourself in the parade of weird images and bizarre situations that present themselves. Herve Villechaize pops up as Bobo the dwarf, there’s a bunch of flesh-eating ghouls in the basement who watch old silent movies, and the place seems to be run by vampires. Whatever’s going on it’s very odd, strangely disorientating, and probably only for certain tastes. I loved it but bear in mind I love the movies of Jess Franco, too. Arrow’s disc comes with a number of interviews, including one with the director and another with the ‘writer’, and there are out-takes and a stills gallery as well.

The Premonition (1975)

Quite possibly the best film in this set, both in terms of quality of film-making and general watchability, THE PREMONITION also boasts a fairly off-kilter plot combined with some arresting imagery (especially at the end). Mad Andrea Fletcher gets released, Pete Walker-FRIGHTMARE-like, from a mental hospital ‘completely cured’ but immediately plans to kidnap her daughter Janie from Janie’s foster parents of the past five years. To do this she enlists the aid of boyfriend Jude, a circus clown who works at yet another scary rundown American amusement park (how many of these things were there in the 1970s?). 
          She dons a bright red dress and breaks into the foster home, kidnapping a doll by mistake. Jude pulls the head off the doll and stabs Andrea to death. Then things get really weird as foster mum Sheri starts to see strange visions and ends up playing the harpsichord on the steps of what looks like a huge museum in an attempt to gain psychic aid in the search for her now-vanished daughter. The climax is wonderfully batshit-Italian and gives THE PREMONITION well-deserved pride of place as the best film in the set. You also get a commentary track, short films, and several interviews (including ones ported over from a previous DVD release). 

Is AMERICAN HORROR PROJECT worth getting? Hopefully the above has helped you decide. Personally I think it’s an excellent and wholly admirable project, and it’s marvellous to see curiosities like these being made more readily available. Stephen Thrower’s little introductions help to tie the movies together, and the packaging is gorgeous. Let’s hope the project takes off so that we get the chance to see oddball delights like THE REDEEMER, WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS or HOMEBODIES given the same treatment. 

Arrow Films released the AMERICAN HORROR PROJECT in a 6-disc set of 3 Blu-rays and 3 DVDs on Monday 22nd February 2016. Let's hope Volume 2 is on the way.

Audition (1999)

“Cold, clinical, bone-scraping horror classic”

Don’t you just love movies you can watch over and over again? Ones that never seem to get old? That offer something new on each viewing? Something you’ve never really picked up on before? And don’t you love it when films don’t just do that, but also provide you with a final act that’s so extreme you realise that as well as appreciating the subtleties you’re discovering on each viewing you’re also dreading the out-and-out horror that’s going to come in about an hour’s time?

Japanese director Takashi Miike’s AUDITION is now on Blu-ray courtesy of Arrow Films. A film that has always looked cold and grainy on both VHS and DVD, the Blu-ray presentation of this one is exceptionally fine, still keeping the image dispassionately clinical for most of the running time while making everything look crisper, clearer, and if anything, colder.

So what’s the plot? Seven years after the death of his wife TV executive Shigeharu Aoyama (Ryo Ishibashi) decides he wants to remarry, but doesn’t know how to go about finding ‘the right girl’. He lists what he considers to be the appropriate attributes of his new future wife to his boss Yasuhisa Yoshikawa (Jun Kunimura), who hits on a “brilliant” idea. They will set up a fake audition at the studio for the lead in a fake film. Aoyama can look through the applicants’ CVs, shortlist them, and interview with Yoshikawa. Then the one he likes the most he can ring up and take out for a date, explaining later that she didn’t get the part after all.

Of course, seemingly sweet, polite, innocent Asami Yamazaki (Eihi Shiina) doesn’t turn out to be what Aoyama initially think she is at all. What’s that thing in the sack? Where did those marks on her legs come from? Who taught her ballet for 12 years and how much torture porn was involved? All this and more is revealed, culminating in an ending that is all the more effective for the slow build-up to it.

Despite AUDITION being famous for its climax of unrelenting horror, it’s worth paying attention throughout Miike’s film. Both dialogue and situations reveal a great deal about the lead character’s relationship with women, but Miike’s framing of many scenes (for example in the bar) has a lot to say as well. It’s difficult to take it all in on a single viewing, especially as you’re going to come away thinking about nothing but THAT ending, but then that’s what the Blu-ray’s for, isn’t it?

As well as a sparkling transfer, Arrow’s Blu-ray comes with a Takashi Miike introduction and commentary from previous releases, plus a brand new commentary from Miike biographer Tom Mes which also discusses the source novel. There’s a new Miike interview, as well as interviews with four cast members including the two leads. Tony Rayns rounds off a very respectable package with his appreciation of the works of Miike in general and AUDITION in particular. An excellent presentation of a film that more than deserves it.

Arrow Films are bringing out Takashi Miike's AUDITION in dual format Blu-ray & DVD standard and steelbook editions on 29th February 2016

Pray For Death (1985)

“A decent slice of 1980s ninja action”

         After starring in Cannon’s Ninja Trilogy, Sho Kosugi went on to topline a number of mid-1980s martial arts exploitation pictures. First up were Emmett Alstom’s NINE DEATHS OF THE NINJA for Crown International, and PRAY FOR DEATH for Transworld, now released on UK DVD & Blu-ray by 101 Films.

         Akira Saito (Kosugi) is unsatisfied with life in Japan. His wife Aiko (Donna K Benz) wants to move to the US with their two little boys (played by Kosugi’s real life sons). They purchase a grubby restaurant in a rundown part of Los Angeles, which turns out to double as a drop where bent policemen leave stolen goods for Michael Constantine’s gang to pick up. 

Unfortunately one of the policemen is even more crooked than usual and keeps a valuable necklace for himself. When chief goon Limehouse Willie (screenwriter James Booth) fails to find the stolen merchandise, he suspects Akira and kidnaps his son. What he doesn’t know is that back in Japan Akira was a ninja. Still plagued by guilt over killing his evil brother in front of their adopted father (Robert QUINCY Ito in lots of old age makeup) Akira believe he has set aside his ninja ways. But sooner than you can say NINJA DEATH WISH Akira becomes a killing machine and the stage is set for his revenge on Constantine and his gang.

         Not as good as either ENTER THE NINJA or REVENGE OF THE NINJA, PRAY FOR DEATH is still lots of 1980s ninja fun for the undiscriminating fan. Tighter editing in the middle and a stronger music score to keep everything moving would have been an immense help, but there’s still plenty of action, including an opening scene that’s plays delightfully with audience expectations.

         Gordon Hessler (SCREAM & SCREAM AGAIN, THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD) doesn’t handle things quite as well as Sam Firstenberg, but he does manage one memorable scene in a mannikin factory that manage to be both eerie and suspenseful at the same time.

         101 Films’ Blu-ray transfer looks great. If you’re a fan of PRAY FOR DEATH  from the days of VHS you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised to discover just how good it looks in 2.35:1 widescreen. There are no extras at all which is a shame but understandable, especially as Gordon Hessler is no longer with us. 

101 Films are releasing Gordon Hessler's PRAY FOR DEATH on UK DVD and Blu-ray on 29 February 2016

Valentino (1977)

“Top quality biopic from our Uncle Ken”

The BFI continues its valuable work of preserving the films of Ken Russell on Blu-ray with the release of his lavish 1977 biopic of the life of silent film star Rudolph Valentino.

Hollywood 1926: following mock newsreel footage we are shown the coffin containing the body of Rudolph Valentino (played by Rudolf Nureyev) in an opening scene that virtually screams ABOMINABLE DR PHIBES with its gorgeous art deco production design. The funeral home is broken into by the hysterical mourners who have been besieging the building. Once order is restored, the important women in his life remember their time with him via flashbacks up to his death.

These include Bianca (Emily Bolton from TENKO and MOONRAKER), June (Felicity Kendal from THE GOOD LIFE & subsequently immortalised in THE YOUNG ONES), deliciously mad Alla Nazimova (Leslie Caron) and Natacha Rambova (Michelle Phillips) who seduces Valentino in a dance of the seven veils that made it onto the poster and lots of the stills used to advertise the film (and the Blu-ray box cover up the top there). Battles with studio bosses, a lucrative contract advertising perfume, and a boxing match with a known heavyweight champion all follow before Valentino’s untimely death from peritonitis and associated complications. 

Ken Russell does a fine job of bringing Valentino’s life story to the screen, managing to remain admirably restrained in some place while going superbly over the top in others (especially the scenes in the funeral home). He’s ably assisted by a fine cast including all of the above plus a cadre of (mainly) character actors, meaning you’ll be spotting the likes of Linda Thorson (THE AVENGERS), Alfred Marks (SCREAM & SCREAM AGAIN), Peter Vaughan (DIE DIE MY DARLING), Dudley Sutton (THE DEVILS) and Anton Diffring (THE MAN WHO COULD CHEAT DEATH). As I’ve mentioned above, the production and costume design (by Philip Harrison and Shirley Russell respectively) are occasionally  breathtaking, echoing Danilo Donati’s work on Fellini’s CASANOVA from the previous year.

The BFI’s dual format Blu-ray and DVD edition comes with a number of excellent extras, including archival material of Ludovic Kennedy interviewing Nureyev about the film, and a nine minute short of Valentino’s actual funeral from 1926. Derek Malcolm’s Guardian Lecture interview with Ken Russell from 1987 is audio only, but is accompanied by the film so it serves as a second commentary. The commentary proper is by the always excellent Tim Lucas who yet again provides a fact-packed track that saves you having to read a textbook about the movie.

There’s a new interview with Dudley Sutton who discusses working with Russell, and some of his other projects (but sadly not COCKNEYS VS ZOMBIES) in a charming twenty minutes that’s also a delight to listen to. You also get TV spots, trailers, a picture gallery, a short piece where Lynn Seymour remembers Rudolf Nureyev, and a booklet of essays. The entire package is excellent and another highly recommended release from the BFI. 

The BFI are releasing Ken Russell's VALENTINO on dual format DVD & Blu-ray on 29th February 2016