Roobarb and Custard (1974 & 2005)

The memory of 5.35pm on a weekday night will likely evoke oceans of nostalgia in a certain age group while leaving anyone younger wondering what on earth the fuss might be about. So for those of you who need it explaining: back in the days of only three channels, BBC1 ran programming for children weekdays between 3.55pm (starting with PLAY SCHOOL) and finishing at 5.35pm (either with something more challenging for older children like an Alan Garner adaptation or Peter Dickinson’s THE CHANGES, but it could equally be employment for panto rejects desperate to appear on the likes of RENTAGHOST or EMU’S BROADCASTING COMPANY).

The news came on at 5.40pm. To bridge this gap between the kids stuff and the latest IRA bombings, the three day week and so on, someone had the bright idea of slipping in five minutes of something that might appeal to both children and adults. But not in a Disney-type, life-affirming way. Oh no. This was Britain in the 1970s and we wanted none of that sort of stuff on drizzling teatimes with the threat of another power cut ever looming. We wanted brightly coloured animated sheer eccentricity. Well, it’s what we got whether we wanted it or not.

It’s no secret that the tapes for THE MAGIC ROUNDABOUT used to come over from France with no English track, and so narrator Eric Thompson just made up anything to try and rationalise what the hell was going on. Other shows, like THE CLANGERS, were made by British eccentrics working in their garage with bits of foam and wire and a Swanee whistle.

The original ROOBARB was directed by the mighty Bob Godfrey, a man who had given us, only a few years previously, KAMA SUTRA RIDES AGAIN - possibly the only short animated film about a couple whose exotic sex lives ultimately end in disaster to be nominated for an Oscar. 

There’s no sex on ROOBARB. There is, however, a green dog, a pink cat, and numerous birds, all of whom leer at the screen frequently during the onscreen madness to the point that you’re advised not to watch too many of these in a row or you’ll end up in your own brightly coloured room. The wobbling marker-pen animation probably isn’t recommended for anyone who suffers from sea-sickness either. And as for the theme tune...

All of this does NOT mean I didn’t like ROOBARB. In fact it’s charmingly eccentric and a lot of fun. The in your face sense of lunacy is sometimes reminiscent of The Beatles film YELLOW SUBMARINE, but you really can’t watch too many of them in one go or you may go blind, or mad, or both. 

             Simply Media’s disc give you all 30 episodes of the original ROOBARB (on disc one) paired with all 39 episodes of 2005’s reboot ROOBARB & CUSTARD TOO (on discs two and three). The sequel series admirably recaptures the lunacy of the original, and once again features Richard Briers (hooray!) as narrator. The three disc set contains no extras. 

ROOBARB & CUSTARD: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION is out on DVD from Simply Media on 16th May 2016

Heartless (2014)

Arrow’s Nordic Noir & Beyond series goes quite a bit beyond the contemporary Scandinavian crime thrillers that made it popular with this Danish-produced horror series about vampire twins infiltrating an exclusive boarding school. 

Stop! Wait! Come back! This isn’t an American show - this is Euro-horror we’re talking about here. No perfect hair and make-up, no irritating posing, no fashions no-one in their right mind would be able to afford or wear. Just neo-Nazis as prefects, lots of young ladies wearing schoolgirls’ uniforms with short skirts, and that grim, bleak washed-out atmosphere redolent of dramas like THE BRIDGE.

I’ve got your attention now, haven’t I? I bet it was mention of the photography. But what about the plot? Twins Sofie and Sebastien (Sebastien Jessen and Julie Zangenberg) are trying to uncover their past. They return to the orphanage where they were brought up and are given the bag belonging to their mother who dumped them there. A scrap of paper leads them to the Ottman Boarding School, where they enroll themselves as students in an attempt to find out more about their mother and themselves.

During their investigations, they’re hampered by the usual inconveniences - other pupils wanting a fight or a relationship, ghosts, and their constant need to replenish their own life force. Oh yes, I doubt Tobe Hooper’s film has anything to do with this, but the vampires here don’t so much drink blood as suck the essence out of their victims. Fans of Jess Franco’s FEMALE VAMPIRE should calm down right now, however, as most of the sucking here is limited to what looks like the victim’s breath. Most of.

HEARTLESS promises to be a pretty good, sexy, Euro-Horror series, and there’s plenty for fans of classic Euro-Horror to get their teeth into here. The location is perfect Euro-gothic, there are regular flashbacks to witch-burning goings on in 1666, and the characters are engaging and likeable (by no means always the case with these teen things). Add in some teasy eroticism and bouts of casual cruelty and you’ve got everything that made 1970s EuroHorror great. Expect the vapid, airbrushed, soulless American remake with all the good bits taken out soon. And make sure you watch this before it happens. 

Arrow’s double disc DVD set contains all eight episodes of HEARTLESS’s first series with no extras and no option to turn off the subtitles. 

HEARTLESS is out now on DVD from Arrow Films

The Forgotten (2014)

“Heartbreaking Henry James-style ghost story set on a council estate”

One of the best films shown at Frightfest 2014, and one of my top ten films of that year, finally gets a UK DVD release courtesy of Metrodome. 

Teenager Tommy (Clem Tibber) ends up squatting with his father Mark (Shaun Dingwall) in a flat on an abandoned council estate. While Mark keeps busy at night ripping out lengths of copper pipe to sell, or bringing prostitutes back to do unmentionable things to them that get him beaten up by their pimps, Tommy is hearing noises from the boarded up flat next door. 

When Mark ends up in hospital after a savage beating, Tommy, together with his newfound friend Carmen (Elarica Gallacher) investigate and discover the flat has a history of brutal murder and may still be haunted by the events.

At Frightfest co-writer James Hall and co-writer and director Oliver Frampton told me they were aiming for a Henry James-style ghost story but set on an abandoned housing estate to give it a modern feel. They’ve actually succeeded superbly well. The  absence of power in the empty, rotting buildings means people have to use the modern-day equivalent of candle-light to find their way around, and there’s a refreshing complexity to the ghost story that unfolds that we sadly don’t see much these days, but is very reminiscent of the macabre tales of Mr James.

Acting is excellent across the board, and special mention should also be made of the sound design (which reminded me of Delia Derbyshire’s work on 1973’s LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE) and the music score by Paul Frith, which is as ambitious as it is effective. This is another fine production from the producer who brought us modern classics like THE BORDERLANDS and THE DEVIL’S BUSINESS and means I’ll watch anything Jennifer Handorf lends her name to in the future.

Metrodome’s DVD is bare bones, with a choice of two sound mixes but nothing else. THE FORGOTTEN is still going to be one of the best and most affecting ghost stories you’ll see this year, though, so don’t let that put you off.

Oliver Frampton's THE FORGOTTEN is out on DVD from Metrodome on 2nd May 2016

Respectable - The Mary Millington Story (2016)

"Absorbing, fascinating and ultimately touching tribute to a unique British star"

Okay, I’m going to confess something up front here: I have never seen a Mary Millington film. Well, not unless you count ESKIMO NELL which I reviewed on here a while ago. I haven’t seen THE PLAYBIRDS (1978), CONFESSIONS FROM THE DAVID GALAXY AFFAIR (1979), or even what is probably her most famous film, Harrison Marks’ knockabout nudie comedy romp COME PLAY WITH ME (1977). That last film holds the record for the longest continuous cinema run of a British movie, by the way, which says far more about the British cinema going public in 1977-1981 than it does about the quality of the film. 

But even though I’ve never seen Mary in her full glory, as it were, I know who she is. If you grew up in the 1970s as I did she was impossible to ignore, even if you were way under the age to be able to buy magazines like Whitehouse and Knave. For a star of both hardcore (initially at least) and softcore pornography to become such a household name was something we shall probably never see the likes of again. But Mary Millington was a unique individual, and Simon Sheridan’s excellent new documentary detailing the ups and downs and ins and outs (sorry couldn’t resist - Harrison Marks would have been proud - ooer - actually I’ll stop now) of Mary’s career is as much a fine tribute as it is a valuable document of a fascinating period in British cultural history.

         All the usual details we might expect from such a documentary biopic are present and correct - Mary’s birth and childhood in Dorking, her early marriage, her lively outgoing and exhibitionistic character, her need to obtain money to support her ailing mother, necessitating her (entirely voluntary) move into the world of modelling for ‘mucky books’ as one interviewee puts it. And then her rise to fame and fortune under the auspices of porn impresario David Sullivan, culminating in her appearances in the movies listed above, followed by a brief and tragic spiral into cocaine abuse and her death at the ridiculously young age of 33.

         Where Mr Sheridan scores huge points is in the number of interviewees he has managed to assemble for this journey through Mary’s life. Family members, celebrities (Dudley Sutton is always hilariously good value), other glamour models (Linzi Drew and Pat Ashley among them), producers and directors (including Stanley Long and Arnold Louis Miller) and David Sullivan himself. The interviews have obviously been conducted with sensitivity and they are linked by a narration from Dexter Fletcher, whose tone and delivery are perfect for the subject matter. There are also clips from some of Mary’s films, including the earlier more explicit stuff that I can’t imagine anyone is going to find sexy these days.

         Extras include a feature-length commentary track with Simon Sheridan and the BFI’s Sam Dunn, ten more minutes of Dave Sullivan, interviews with Sue Longhurst and Ed Tudor-Pole, the short silent film PARTY PIECES, and a couple of trailers.

         RESPECTABLE - THE MARY MILLINGTON STORY is how you do a documentary. As I said above, I have never seen a Mary Millington picture, and I can’t say I want to now, but Simon Sheridan’s absorbing film provides us with a fascinating look at an interesting time for British exploitation. Most of all, it’s probably the best tribute its star or anyone who knew and loved her could wish for. And yes, as so many people are keen to point out, she really did seem like genuinely nice girl. Highly recommended and a contender for documentary of the year. 

Simon Sheridan's RESPECTABLE - THE MARY MILLINGTON STORY is out on DVD from Simply Media on 2nd May 2016

The Sign of Four (1983)

Sy Weintraub’s other Sherlock Holmes production isn’t quite as good as his version of THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES, but it’s certainly worth watching if you’re a Holmes fan, and now it’s available in a new Blu-ray and DVD release courtesy of Second Sight.

Rich Thorley Walters gets delivered a map. The shock of it makes him immediately take to his bed, where he informs his two sons firstly that he has a fabulous treasure hidden in his attic, and secondly that it doesn’t all belong to him. That’s about all he tells them because he’s scared to death by a one-legged Joe Melia who appears at the window.

Meanwhile, at good old 221b, Cherie Lunghi has turned up to show her enormous diamond to Holmes (Ian Richardson again, and very marvellous he is too) and Watson (David Healy who, like Donald Churchill in HOUND seems to be suffering from a bit too much of the Nigel Bruces). She also needs them to accompany to a rendezvous that has been organised via mysterious message. Will one-legged Joe and his mad carnivorous dwarf Tonga (seriously) get the treasure, or will Holmes save the day? 

Like I said above, THE SIGN OF FOUR isn’t as good as HOUND, and actually feels a fair bit cheaper (I have no idea if it is or not). Desmond Davis doesn't give the proceedings quite the same vigour Douglas Hickox did, and while Harry Rabinowitz gives us some quite serviceable music, he’s no Michael J Lewis. The same stock footage from Billy Wilder’s PRIVATE LIFE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES turns up again (!) and the film relies more heavily on Ian Richardson’s Holmes to carry it all through (which he does admirably, by the way).

Second Sight’s disc comes with a commentary track by David Stuart Davies. He’s very interesting to listen to, and has a measured delivery that means it’s no effort to have his company for 90 minutes as he tells you plenty of tidbits of information about the film. The transfer is a little bit lower quality than HOUND. Oh, and the aspect ratio for both these films on disc is 1.85:1. They were originally shot for television and imdb cites their aspect as 1.33:1. The change in ratio isn’t noticeable on HOUND but on SIGN OF FOUR the tops of people’s heads are cut off just enough to make it bothersome for the aspect ratio purists out there. 

That said, if you're a Holmes fan don’t let that put you off. Both SIGN OF FOUR and HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES are well worth getting, and as I said in my review of HOUND, it’s a shame there weren’t any more of these. 

Second Sight are releasing Desmond Davis' version of THE SIGN OF FOUR on Blu-ray and DVD on 25th April 2016

The Zero Boys (1986)

"It's not their IQ…probably"

From the man who gave us one of the most staggeringly tasteless exploitation films of the 1970s comes a film that encapsulates so many daft things about the exploitation cinema of the 1980s, all polished up for Blu-ray release by Arrow Films.

The zero boys of the title are a group of paintballers. Scarcely has a picture of Sylvester Stallone in RAMBO been pinned to a wall in some kind of bizarre homage (?) than we’re plunged into the gang’s latest game against a group of similarly eccentrically dressed, bandana-sporting, gurning / glowering ‘teenagers’. The prize appears to be Kelli Maroney (don’t they even get a certificate or some kind of trophy?). Off they drive into the countryside with her and some other girls. Happening across an empty but furnished house in the country, they decide to move in (?). As the sun sets it becomes apparent that the owners are around and intent on hunting the zeroes for sport.

THE ZERO BOYS isn’t terribly good, and that’s a shame because the paintball antics that open the film actually show promise, and suggest we’re going to be in for an action-packed extravaganza. It all fizzles out horribly quickly though, and by halfway through you’ll be wondering when anything is actually going to happen. If you stick it till the final credits be prepared to be flabbergasted by an ending that smacks strongly of ‘we ran out of money at exactly this point and had to switch off the camera’. Those familiar with the director’s earlier goat-molesting cavalcade of sleaze and deviant behaviour ISLAND OF DEATH (1976) will be relieved / disappointed to learn that there’s absolutely nothing here you couldn’t show to an elderly relative with a very low threshold for boring nonsense. Oh, and how on earth did this one end up with a music score by Stanley HOUSE OF WHIPCORD & THE DEER HUNTER Myers and Hans Zimmer? Fans of either composer take note: it sounds very much like Hans did most of it but there's some very Pete Walker-sounding stuff towards the end. 

Arrow’s dual format DVD and Blu-ray set contains a load of extras, including a Kelli Maroney commentary track, new interviews with both Maroney and co-star Nicole Rio, stills, a trailer, and a barking mad bit in which Nico Mastorakis interviews himself. I have to hand it to him - he really goes the extra mile to make this bizarre little featurette as eccentric as his movies.

Going out with an 18 certificate (although it could easily be a 15 or even a 12A), THE ZERO BOYS is one for 1980s completists. Anyone else should approach with caution and with one finger on the fast forward button. 

Nico Mastorakis' THE ZERO BOYS is coming out from Arrow Films in a dual format Blu-ray and DVD set on 25th April 2016

Symptoms (1974)

“Spruced up, slow-moving obscure British horror from the 1970s”

I don’t mean any of that in an especially derogatory way, by the way, but in an era where old films like this can get called ‘a long-lost classic’, it’s only fair to warn the casual viewer (if there are any of you out there who visit this site) who might not be that familiar with the independent UK horror scene of the early 1970s that you’re not actually going to be slipping an undiscovered masterpiece into your Blu-ray or DVD player. Director Jose Larraz is undoubtedly most famous for his Oakley Court-filmed sexy lesbian vampire picture VAMPYRES (1974), but anyone familiar with that film and expecting another outrageously blood-soaked nudity fest from the heyday of British horror’s best decade is also going to end up a bit disappointed. 

Pretty Ann (Lorna Heilbron) comes to stay with superficially weird but actually deeply raving mad Helen (Angela Pleasance) in her 1970s BritHorror country house and ends up wishing she hadn’t. She gets to meet creepy Mr Brady (Peter Vaughn) and encounters something nasty in the attic. As Helen’s madness worsens the house becomes littered with corpses and throughout the film we are given clues as the reason why, before the final scene explains it all. 

SYMPTOMS isn’t a bad film at all - in fact by the end you realise you’ve been watching Larraz’s very own version of Polanski’s REPULSION (1966). Be warned, though, that it’s very slow, and while there’s a pleasantly dreary atmosphere about the proceedings, that’s the film’s main attraction - this is a film that’s much stronger on mood than on plot. 

The BFI’s transfer of SYMPTOMS is absolutely excellent - throw away those crappy VHS to DVD transfers now. Oh, and yes the aspect ratio is meant to be 1.33:1, so don't look shocked. The extras on the BFI disc are also very good indeed. These include brand new interviews with stars Angela Pleasance and Lorna Heilbron (who talks about her involvement in THE CREEPING FLESH as well!), and editor (and producer of VAMPYRES) Brian Smedley-Aston. There’s also the 1999 Channel 4 Eurotika documentary on Jose Larraz (with different title music because the original theme is now used for the showreel at the start of the DVDs of producer Pete Tombs’ Mondo Macabro company). ON VAMPYRES AND OTHER SYMPTOMS is a splendid and touching 70 minute documentary that stylishly stars the director in the story of his career culminating with the award he was presented with at Sitges in 2009. 

              Fans of obscure 1970s British horror will love this, as will anyone interested in the state of the independent British movie scene of the same period. The transfer is great and the extras represent fabulous value for money. Now how about a double feature release of DEVIATION (1971) and WHIRLPOOL (1970)?

The BFI are releasing Jose Larraz's SYMPTOMS on a dual format DVD and Blu-ray set on 25th April 2016