Thursday, 23 March 2017

The Beaster Bunny (2014)

“Truly, Deeply, Terrible”

I can’t think of much else to say about this one, I’m afraid. THE BEASTER BUNNY proves they just don’t make rubbish anywhere near as good as they used to, and we should all shed tears that someone somewhere has had the nerve to charge people money to watch this. As the DVD began to play, all sense of coherent thought left me, and my mind was reduced to a series of phrases like:

“The Worst Film Of The Year. And Quite Possibly Ever”

The effects are truly astounding

Please don’t let that encourage you to watch this, though. If you’re my age and grew up in the 1970s, perhaps:

“Makes The Goodies Episode With the Giant Kitten Look Like KONG: SKULL ISLAND”

might deter you? Or if your tastes run to the more decidedly adult aspect of the movies, how about:

“Like The Worst Porn Film Ever Made, Only With No Sex”

A very…er...special film.

Perhaps a commentary track of thoughts aired at the House of Mortal Cinema during the running time might be of assistance:

Things We Said During The Running Time

1 Please make it stop

2 Why does that giant bunny have chicken’s feet?

3 Why didn’t they just have a man in a costume?

One of the better scenes. Because no one is talking.
4 Please make it stop.

5 The press release said the monster bunny was 50 feet tall. That looks barely 20.

6 Please, please make it stop.

I have no words
7 Where’s the fast forward button?

8 Shame on Second Sight for releasing this.

9 Where’s the STOP button?

10 It’s over. Thank God

And I’ll leave the final words to Mrs Probert:

“Now’s the time to show me some Jess Franco.”

This review has already had too many words devoted to it. Quite possibly my worst movie of the year. And ever. Ever, ever, ever.

As a review site House of Mortal Cinema is obliged to tell you that THE BEASTER BUNNY is out from Second Sight (what were you thinking guys?) on Monday 3rd April 2017. Run away from it. 

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