Dr Goldfoot & the Bikini Machine

"Exactly what you'd expect from a title like that"

Just after GOLDFINGER (1964) but way before AUSTIN POWERS: GOLDMEMBER there was this cheerful children’s adventure picture from the AIP stable, now given a new UK Blu-ray release courtesy of 101 Films.

Naughty Dr Goldfoot and his creations

The villainous Dr Goldfoot (Vincent Price - hooray!) plans to become incredibly rich through a fiendish plan only possible in 1960s spy spoofs. He has created an army of beautiful, golden bikini-clad robots whom he intends to marry off to the world’s richest men. On his case quite by accident are the men from SIC (the Security Intelligence Council). Or at least Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon) is. His boss and father (Fred Clark) doesn’t believe him and is too busy banging his head on lampshades and falling out of the window because it’s that kind of film.

A face we all love

Robot Diane (Susan Hart) seduces millionaire Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman) and together Craig and Todd track the shenanigans to Dr Goldfoot’s mansion. Imprisoned and taken to the dungeons, they encounter a number of ‘star’ cameos whom nobody these days is likely to recognise, before Todd ends up in the climax to AIP’s PIT & THE PENDULUM - complete with recycled stock footage! You’d expect it to end there but instead we get a jolly good natured car / trolleycar / motorcycle / etc etc chase through the streets of San Francisco, with Price dressed splendidly in a big floppy hat, before we get to the end, which was probably funny at the time but reminded me of Mario Bava’s LISA & THE DEVIL.

Widescreen distraction

DR GOLDFOOT & THE BIKINI MACHINE is very much of its time, and is mainly going to be of interest to Vincent Price fans (and he’s simply marvellous in it) and AIP scholars, who will relish the bits of stock footage that pop up, and the production design of Price’s castle (from Corman/Poe regular Daniel Haller). That said, it’s actually rather charming in a kids’ TV kind of way. The entire thing is daft and the comedy never gets above RENTAGHOST level, but the ninety minutes breeze past more quickly than you might expect.

If this still doesn't make you want to watch this film it's probably not for you

101’s transfer offers the film in its original 2.35:1 aspect ratio despite what it says on the back. The image does look slightly stretched (as does the Kino Lorber Region A release of this) but it’s not really bad enough to impair your viewing pleasure. There are no extras, which is a shame because the Kino release has a David del Valle commentary track that presumably couldn’t be licensed.

Add music to make this scene come alive!

Undoubtedly a strong influence on the Mike Myers AUSTIN POWERS movies, if you’re a fan of 1960s US drive-in pictures, or just love Vincent Price (and who doesn’t?) DR GOLDFOOT & THE BIKINI MACHINE is worth a look to see a different side of the master of horror. 

AIP's DR GOLDFOOT & THE BIKINI MACHINE was released on UK Blu-ray and DVD by 101 Films on 25th January 2016

Bloody Moon (1981)

Jess Franco’s 1981 slasher movie makes it to UK Blu-ray with a gorgeous print that’s so pristine it almost feels wrong watching it. But I did anyway. People exhibit widely mixed feelings about Mr Franco’s work, and I have to say I’m firmly on the side of people who love him, except on the days when his not-so-great stuff becomes an utter trial to watch. Thankfully that’s not the case with BLOODY MOON, which is a thoroughly competent slasher picture. This being Franco, however, it’s not without its quirky moments.

A rare slightly tasteful moment. Oh hang on it's brother & sister. Sorry.

We begin with scar-faced Miguel’s sister telling him he must leave her alone. Oh yes, you have hand it to Franco, we’re not even a minute in and we’ve already got potential incest involving the disfigured. Well done on the distaste-ometer that man. Not content with leaving things at that, Miguel pinches a Mickey Mouse mask and heads off to a nearby party, where his Disney-masked charm succeeds in him picking up a girl and taking her back to ‘Chalet 13’. They’re well into the heavy petting and the mouse mask has yet to come off, so presumably she doesn’t work for the Disney legal department. When it does, however, there’s lots of screaming and Miguel stabs her to death.

Does Disney know about this? 

We’re in Spain for this film, by the way. I have no idea quite how the legal system works there but it must be jolly lenient if all you get for your crimes is five years in the psychiatric clinic of Dr Franco (yes it’s him on screen). All the therapy seems to have done is make his facial scarring worse (perhaps they missed with the ECT applicator pads). Still, he’s happy to see his sister again (so the treatment probably hasn’t solved that little problem either) and they return to the school where Miguel committed his crime.

BLOODY MOON does have its unsubtle moments. About 90 of them.

It’s now the hastily (and cheaply) labelled School For Attractive Young Ladies To Study Languages. Or something like that. Pretty soon, conjugating the Spanish verb for to be is the least of their problems as the girls start being murdered in a variety of gruesome ways. Best, and certainly most ludicrous of these, is the old ‘head taken off with a rotary saw’ trick that was one of several scenes that caused this to be banned by the BBFC back in the day, presumably in case it caused the uncontrollable youth of Britain to go around sawing the heads off mannikins. It all gets very, very giallo as the film goes on, with a suitably daft ending that really doesn’t provide a good excuse for all the murders at all (one would have been sufficient, surely?).

This bit happens before the picture above. Obviously

BLOODY MOON actually isn’t bad for Jess Franco. Everyone else in the entire world may have a bit of trouble sticking with it because of a few shortcomings, not the least of which is the music, which often sounds like the demented bowel rumblings of someone who’s eaten an especially dangerous curry. The dubbing is indifferent but the locations are interesting. Best of all is the print itself. As I’ve said above, BLOODY MOON really doesn’t deserve to look this good. The print is pretty much pristine, with the odd scratch here and there and a few tiny lapses into poorer quality for the gory bits, but I have to admit I was surprised at how good this looked.

Bloody hell.

Severin’s Blu-ray comes with a short featurette interview with Franco which is charmingly cosy - a bit like sitting down to talk with your chain-smoking grandad about his career in the world of filth for fifteen minutes. I certainly chuckled a lot, both during BLOODY MOON and the featurette, and if you’re kindly disposed to Jess Franco, you will too.

Severin's Blu-ray release of Jess Franco's BLOODY MOON is out now.

Deep Red / Profondo Rosso (1975)

One of the best horror films ever made gets its best quality Blu-ray release ever in this stunning 4k restoration limited edition three disc set.

When jazz composer Marc Daly (David Hemmings) witnesses the brutal murder of a medium (Macha Meril) he gets catapulted into Dario Argento land, where it turns out he’s seen something terribly important but doesn’t know what it is, has a black-gloved killer after him who could be male or female, and is followed everywhere by a prog rock Goblin score. Eventually Marc realises what he saw and discovers the identity of the killer, but not before being enmeshed in one of the most delirious and revolutionary pieces of cinema ever constructed.

PROFONDO ROSSO (it just sounds better than DEEP RED doesn’t it)? is a masterpiece and if you’ve never seen it I envy you, because you are in for a treat. You don’t need to know anything about Italian or genre cinema before or after to be surprised and delighted by its plot twists and turns, its daring camerawork and its outrageously stylish murders. 

You don’t need to know anything about director Dario Argento, either. One of the most influential and stylish directors ever, PROFONDO ROSSO is the film that, more than any other, made him a force to be reckoned with. Just put the disc in the player and allow yourself to be overwhelmed with stylish visuals.

For everyone else who has already seen PROFONDO ROSSO a thousand times, you still need to get this release because it really is the best looking this film has ever been. Direct comparison reveals the image to be clearer, richer, and with far less grain than the previous Blue Underground Region A Locked release, which itself was better than Arrow’s previous Region B release. Previous speckles and scratches on those versions have been cleared up, but the real difference is in the colour. Instead of just looking as if they’ve turned up the brightness too much, Arrow’s new PROFONDO ROSSO positively glows - you’d swear you could warm your hands on the screen during the theatre scene at the beginning.

Extras on Disc One (which contains the full director’s cut 4k restoration) include a brief introduction by composer Claudio Simonetti, a commentary track by Thomas Rostock and a brand new visual essay by Michael Mackenzie. Mackenzie’s essays are always good value and this one doesn’t disappoint, providing plenty of useful information for the newcomer while pointing out a few things even seasoned old hacks might have missed.

Other extras are archival and include Dario Argento on DEEP RED, Daria Nicolodi reminiscing, Simonetti on the score, the trailer, and a look round Dario’s shop with Luigi Cozzi. 

           Disc Two contains the shortened 105 minute version of PROFONDO ROSSO in a new 4k restoration, along with the US trailer. Finally, Disc Three is a 28-track CD featuring the entire movie score by Goblin and Giorgio Gaslini. This is a fantastic package and highly recommended, which is why it’s all the more disappointing to point out that as of the release date of 25th January this release is already sold out. Good news for Arrow, I guess but bad news for anyone who didn’t get their pre-order in. Let’s hope Arrow does a no-frills release of the 4k restoration soon. Even if you’ve got all the other versions of PROFONDO ROSSO that are out there this is the one you need. 

Arrow Films are releasing their limited edition three disc set of Dario Argento's DEEP RED aka PROFONDO ROSSO on 25th January 2016

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970)

"More decadence than you can swing a large pair of breasts at"

What do you get if you cross the film-making skills of breast-obsessed cult auteur Russ Meyer with all the most ludicrous, decadent soap opera elements to be found in the once-popular potboiler novels of Jacqueline Susann, Harold Robbins, and others? Twentieth Century-Fox obviously couldn’t wait to find out because they gave him a load of money and carte blanche to do pretty much what he liked. The result has been given a new Blu-ray release from Arrow and if you’ve ever fancied having your brain fried by some of the most peculiarly demented trash to be seen outside a John Waters film, now’s your chance.

Nice

Busty (of course) pop trio The Carrie Nations travel to Los Angeles in search of fame but instead find themselves in the most outlandish soap opera ever. Lead singer Kelly (Bristol-born Dolly Read from Hammer’s KISS OF THE VAMPIRE) betrays her boyfriend and sees him end up paralysed after a failed suicide plunge onto the stage of one of the band’s performances; guitarist Casey (Cynthia Meyers) ends up in a prolonged lesbian scene with fashion designer Roxanne (Meyer regular Erica Gavin) and drummer Petronella (Marcia McBloom) gets herself into all kinds of trouble with a heavyweight boxer. 

Meyer-tastic!

Watching from the sidelines (and waiting to jump into the ever-present cesspool that is Hollywood in this film) are porn star Ashley St Ives (Edy Williams, another Meyer regular doing her best sexy Mary Woronov impersonation in this), movie star-cum-gigolo Lance Rocke (Michael Blodgett from THE VELVET VAMPIRE and Fritz Leiber’s Dead Man episode of NIGHT GALLERY) and most of all, raving mad decadent agent supremo Ronnie ‘Z-Man’ Barzell (John Lazar). Or is he actually Superwoman? Don’t ask me. 

Something for the ladies. And some of the guys, too, I don't doubt

BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS isn’t really a film about plot elements but about noise, colour, culture, craziness, and above all huge, huge breasts, as anyone familiar with Russ Meyer’s oeuvre might expect. It’s raving mad, it’s over the top, and it’s exhausting. It’s not difficult to see why it bombed at the box office on its initial release as it’s deliciously and deliriously all over the place, such that selling it must have been a nightmare.

But is it art?

Once again Arrow are to be highly commended for coming up with such a decadent package for this supremely decadent film. The transfer itself is spotless and an utter delight. The colours are so bright and so rich at times you want to put on sunglasses. There are so many extras it’s difficult to list them all, but you get two commentary tracks, a David Del Valle interview (always good value) with Meyer & Yvette Vickers, an introduction by John LaZar, a making of documentary, a featurette with composer Stu Phillips, short pieces on 1960s culture, Casey & Roxanne’s love scene, screen tests, photo galleries and more. 

This scene goes on for a bit, in case you need warning

The limited edition also comes with a second disc that features Russ Meyer’s other Hollywood picture THE SEVEN MINUTES which was not available for review. Finally, as well as a reversible sleeve you get a booklet with new writing on the film by Kat Ellinger, plus an interview with Meyer by Anne Billson and a piece by David del Valle. 

Russ Meyer's BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS is out now from Arrow Films on Region B Blu-ray and Region 2 DVD

A Touch of Zen (1971)

King Hu’s remarkable, epic martial arts movie that influenced Ang Lee’s  CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON (2000) and Zhang Yimou’s HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS (2004) amongst others gets a UK Blu-ray and DVD release courtesy of Eureka.

Ku (Shih-Jun, coming across a bit like a Taiwanese Kevin Eldon) is an unambitious painter who lives in a remote village. A stranger arrives in town and wants his portrait painted, but actually he’s there looking for Yang (Hsu Feng) a female fugitive whose entire family have been given a death sentence because her father offended the corrupt Eunuch Wei. Yang has taken up residence in a crumbling mansion reputed to be haunted. 

Ku befriends Yang and ends up sleeping with her. Deciding to help her in fighting Eunuch Wei’s forces, he helps design a complicated ghost trap for her pursuers. Delayed for a time, they continue the chase and eventually the film ends in that very weird and trippy way that only movies of this period do.

A TOUCH OF ZEN is an epic film. It’s not an epic plot, mind, in fact there’s not much more to the story than what I’ve described above (although there is a bit). It is, however epic in terms of its look and feel. This has to be one of the most beautifully and carefully directed films of the period. King Hu has an eye for landscape compositions that make him the Ridley Scott of his day. The opening forty minutes, with the mostly deserted village and ghost house where the wind never stops blowing feels like top notch martial arts Hammer. Later the scope opens out, with some absolutely breathtaking scenery used to its full advantage.

Originally released in two parts, it’s probably the bamboo tree fight approximately ninety minutes in that A TOUCH OF ZEN is most famous for. In fact it was repeated at the start of the second movie. Anyone thinking they’re going to get a 180 minute martial arts action film should be warned, however. There are some excellent fight sequences in this, but most of the movie isn’t like that at all. If you’re more predisposed to action, just sit back and let Hu’s gorgeous compositions drench you in gloriousness until the next jumping around bit.

Eureka’s three disc Blu-ray and DVD set contains the newly restored Taiwanese print, and very lovely it looks too in this complete 180 minute version. Extras include a booklet with archival material on the film and its director. The third disc was not made available for review but apparently contains the documentary King Hu 1932 - 1997, a new video essay by critic David Cairns, and more. 

Eureka's three disc Region B / 2 Blu-ray and DVD set of King Hu's A TOUCH OF ZEN is out on 25th January 2016

The Fear of 13 (2015)

"Original and really rather excellent"

Now here’s something a bit different, as British director David Sington’s impressive docu-drama comes to DVD courtesy of the Dogwoof label.

The opening caption tells us that after twenty years on death row, convicted murderer Nick Yarris made a final appeal, not for freedom, but to finally be executed. We are then introduced to Nick in what we assume to be his prison cell. Over the course of the next ninety minutes, Nick tells us his story, and it doesn’t go quite the way you might think.

It would be very unfair of me indeed to tell you anything else about this, but I will tell you that THE FEAR of 13 is absolutely worth watching. Essentially a one-man show, the clever direction, editing, and use of sound effects make it something a little more complex, and a lot more ambitious, than something you might see on the stage, but the essence of this piece is still one man telling his life story to the camera. That’s not to say the story isn’t full of characters, we just don’t get to see any of them, except through Nick’s eyes. In fact, he’s such a good storyteller if I had to liken this to anything it would be the prison stories of Stephen King like THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION or THE GREEN MILE. 

Dogwoof’s DVD comes with a forty minute Q&A with the director, and an interview with director and lead, as well as a booklet. Leave them all until you’ve watched the film or you’ll spoil it for yourself. 

The press release THE FEAR OF 13 it ‘a stylistically daring in experiment in storytelling... a monologue that is part confessional and part performance...with all the twists and turns of classic crime drama’. I’ll admit I was hugely wary when I read that, in this age of low-rent home-made found footage tat, but this film is anything but. A story well made and well told, by the time THE FEAR OF 13 had finished I was delighted that I had taken a gamble on it. You will be too.

David Sington's THE FEAR OF 13 gets its UK DVD release on the Dogwoof label on 25th January 2015

Momentum (2015)

Do you remember what it was like watching movies in the 1980s? When you'd go to the video shop and rent something you knew practically nothing about? Something with a swishy title and a cover that promised action? You'd take it home and pop it in the player. "This is a bit shit," you'd think. "But actually that girl's quite sexy, and don't I know that bloke playing the villain from somewhere? Ooooo look a car crash!" By the time you ejected the cassette you realised that, while it wasn't terribly original and possibly didn't make too much sense, you'd actually had more fun for 90 minutes than you'd been expecting.

Now you can relive those days once more, or experience them for the first time, but in widescreen and high definition, with Signature's new Blu-ray release of MOMENTUM, a film that ticks all the above boxes. Three villains dressed as Cylons from the original BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, or possibly TRON, rob a bank. Among the diamonds they pinch is a memory stick type thing that's got all of evil politician Morgan Freeman's plans on it.

Freeman despatches evil (and slightly trying a bit too hard it has to be said) villain James Purefoy to get it back. One of the robbers is Olga Kurylenko, who manages to escape her hotel room clad in very little. She gradually accrues some clothes, but not before a pretty good car chase (see? Sounds just like a Cannon picture or something from Empire doesn't it? Only without the big hair, lycra and pan and scan impossibility to work out what's going on).

The rest of the film is Olga getting chased, getting caught, getting tortured and getting chased again. Throughout this she (or rather her character) remains steely of eye and fixed of expression. We get the inevitable climax, and then an ending that confused me.

MOMENTUM isn't bad. The direction and editing are a bit too flashy at times, interfering with what are perfectly good action scenes and making you wish they would stop trying to be clever. I'm kindly disposed to it because it really did remind me of the kind of random, rainy day video shop rentals that actually brightened up such afternoons considerably. I also think it deserves some love because it was the subject of an unfair headline last year claiming it was the poorest earning cinema release of the year, despite it getting the kind of big screen distribution mistreatment IRON SKY got a couple of years back.

              Signature's Blu-ray contains no extras. MOMENTUM is quite fun if you're an undemanding action fan. Those with a hankering of as much of Ms Kurylenko as possible should probably be warned that all they will be treated to is a bit of her bottom, although they may well find that sufficient to brighten up their own personal rainy afternoon.

MOMENTUM is out on Blu-ray and DVD from Signature Entertainment from 18th January 2016