Welcome to another instalment of ‘Trapped in the Room With It.’ As you can guess from the film’s title, this week we find ourselves once again in the world of the Eurocine Nazisploitation picture. A place of inappropriate use of stock footage, wobbly helmets, officers’ caps worn at jaunty angles, half-hearted Nazi salutes, and abundant nudity.
A German major has a “brilliant” idea for rooting out spies against the fatherland. For this he is promptly rewarded by being shot so he doesn’t have to be in this film anymore. Replacing him in charge of the project is expert prostitute and reasonably good blonde Elsa Ackermann (Malisa Longo). Elsa looks as if she’d be more at home as a hostess on an ITV game show like 3-2-1. Despite her new position of authority she’s not very good at saluting either, which means she fits right in.
They’re all going on a train! You see the cunning / ridiculous plot is to fill the carriages with sexy ladies, the idea being that officers they pick up on their way to the front line may be tempted to tell the girls all while their guard (and trousers) are down, and thus any anti-Nazi sympathies will be revealed (along with their underpants).
|Neither music nor trains. Can't think why they included it|
ELSA FRAULEIN SS aka FRAULEIN KITTY (there are no cats in uniform in this which is presumably why they changed the title) aka CAPTIVE WOMEN 4 (absolutely no idea) is from the gang who gave us HELGA, SHE-WOLF OF STILBERG. ELSA is actually quite a bit better than HELGA, mainly because ELSA has a train in it, but also because it’s more competently made and actually manages to avoid being quite so dull.
Composer Daniel White pops up in one scene to accompany sleaze queen Pamela Stanford (memorably disturbing in Jess Franco’s LORNA THE EXORCIST) doing her Marlene Dietrich impersonation, before going on to provide the film with soundtrack music akin to what they used to play to accompany the conveyor belt on Bruce Forsyth’s Generation Game.
Eurocine don’t let us down, though. Just as you’re beginning to think ELSA isn’t too bad along comes an ending that’s as abrupt and inept as anyone who has seen HELGA might be expecting. Anyone hoping for some extras is going to be disappointed, too, as all you get are a couple of trailers for upcoming releases. If you’re a Nazisploitation completist you’ll want to see this. If you’re not you’ve probably already stopped reading.
ELSA FRAULEIN SS is out from Screenbound on Monday 17th April 2017