We’re in Lapland. At the top of a
mountain a mining company has discovered that there is a block of ice 60 feet
square buried deep in its depths, and they’re being paid to dig it out.
Meanwhile our 9 year old hero is convinced this is the burial place of the original
Santa Claus, a mythical creature far removed from the kindly fat bearded bloke
we’re more familiar with. Via a delicious title sequence we get to see old
woodcuts demonstrating just how much more interested this Santa is / was in
punishing naughty children than rewarding the good. “He tore the naughty
children apart,” says one character “until even their skeletons weren’t left”.
I won’t say much more except that Santa’s elves are some of
the scariest things I saw on screen last year, and the scene of them
besieging a warehouse where ‘Santa’ (who is a bit of a cross between
Carpenter’s PRINCE OF DARKNESS and Tim Curry’s devil from LEGEND but bloody
huge) is being defrosted is one of the most Lovecraftian film moments I’ve seen
in a while. Add to that the fact that our heroes are good old-fashioned
reindeer hunters who look like rejects from a Metallica tribute band and a nine
year old boy with cardboard taped across his bottom so he doesn’t get spanked
and this is one very strange Christmas movie. The freezing locations and sense
of dread (a scene of a field of reindeer slaughtered by…something at one point
is just plain unnerving) reminded me of Carpenter’s THE THING, but most of all
I loved the twisted sentiment – peace on earth and goodwill to all, or Santa
will tear your face off. Highly, highly recommended.
The Finnish import blu ray supposedly has the Free movie Santa claus vs. the Martians blu ray quality.
ReplyDeleteWill be watching this...
I'm not sure if BluRay would improve the 'quality' of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians ;->
ReplyDeleteI know, Santa Claus vs. the martians is one of the worst movies ever made...
ReplyDeleteIf you want another really horrible movie, one which gave me headaches while watching it...
Alyas Batman en Robin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wygrQ1rYeAQ
A filipino batman and robin movie with a potbellied batman, bad toilet humor, Indian style singing and dancing with born again christian takes on 1950s American songs, bad acting and a massive brawl in the end featuring zorro, superman, wonder woman and a midget spiderman.