Saturday, 11 October 2014

The Spanish Chainsaw Massacre (2013)

Another complete unknown for the DVD player here at HMC.      
         Occasionally these movies are under-rated classics, most have something worth taking note of, and sadly a few turn out to be awful rubbish. THE SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE is not rubbish, but it is completely and utterly mental and will best suit those with very short attention spans and the capacity to deal with overwhelming amounts of extremely silly hardcore gore. And terrible acting. And lots of shouting. And possibly the worst subtitle translations I have ever come across (see below for examples).

The Metal Cocks are the fattest, stupidest, fartiest heavy metal band in Spain and quite possibly the world. En route to a gig in Galicia  organised by their shouty, overacting and quite possibly dubbed record promoter, they break down in the village of ‘Gutierrez’s town’. The villagers have some strange traditions including cooking naked and dressing up as clowns to torture people to death in front of giggling schoolchildren. They are awaiting the return of the town's saint, the history of whom they attempt to explain in a garbled widescreen black and white flashback that made no sense to me. One by one the stupid band members end up mutilated and killed, after which the film just stops.

Mercifully brief at 53 minutes (and the credits at the end run for at least five of those), and filmed on a budget of 3000 Euros, the original title of THE SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE was CARNIVOROS. Its UK DVD release is apparently the first anywhere in the world, and has been cut by 32 seconds by the BBFC. It's difficult to know how to describe it, but the movie has a John Waters - HG Lewis vibe with the kind of homemade feel of grotty British filth efforts like THE PERV PARLOUR and PERVIRELLA. What everyone lacks in skill here they more than make up for with enthusiasm, and if you like your horror over the top, silly and played for laughs you could do worse than watch this one. The subtitles are translated so badly that they provide an extra level of hilarity all their own. THE SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE is surprisingly better made than some of the worst we've had on here (WEREWOLF RISING, BLOODY HOMECOMING) but that wouldn't be difficult. I will freely admit that at ten minutes in I was crying with laughter but by the end I had had quite enough.

88 Films have release THE SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE with no extras, a jolly cover and a catchpenny title. I can't think of much else to say other than it's probably best in enjoyed in good company and followed by something better.

88 Films released the catalogue of daft atrocities that is THE SPANISH CHAINSAW MASSACRE on DVD on 22nd September 2014

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